Kedar’s log 2009..

Although I don’t believe such a thing exists on a scientific level, here are some symptoms I can imagine.

Consider yourself in a mid-life crisis if -

• You are getting nostalgic about the past lately
• You think cutting your hair short makes you look younger
• You think tight T-shirts suit you better
• You get unusually happy when you buy from Forever-21 or American Eagle or Hollister or Abercombie.
• You start believing in stories of young girls dating married old men
• You say you don’t remember your age on your birthday
• You start becoming ambiguous about your age in general - you prefer to use floor() instead of round() on your age. You fight with all your liar’s might to stay below 40.
• …..

My friend Troy has contributed more to this list… his list follows:

• You just bought a motorcycle
• You start working out, because you think it might be your last chance to actually be fit
• You are more motivated to finish your projects before your mental faculties deteriorate or you get too lazy
• You find sites like Facebook annoying because you don’t want to keep up with the latest tech fads all the time
• You realize you’re closer to 40 than to 30 and are momentarily disturbed by that thought

Thanks Troy for your contribution!

I have a proud father moment to share!!

It has been in the works for a long time.. I and my wife have waited and worked for this long enough to appreciate its importance.. my son’s future depended on it.. our peace of mind depended on it.. and also the overall quality of living for all of us depended on it.. This is once in a lifetime thing to start.. and it stays with you all through your life.. it is something you have gotta learn and not something you are born with..

………… POTTY TRAINING!!! My Son is now fully potty trained!!!!!!!! YAY!

God knows how much I have prayed for this to happen, and how many techniques we have used to achieve this end result. I have been a strict father sometimes, a kind adviser some other times, have bribed my son, have punished him by taking his Thomas Train toy engines away, have used everything from cops to dinosaurs to stop him from insisting on a diaper, have tried hard not to laugh when he was trying to show me that he was *trying*, have tried hard not to show any mercy when he cried seeing his toys being taken away one by one…

..all of it is history now.. history to be fondly remembered in the bright future that lies ahead! It was a great celebration when it actually happened! Everybody hurrayed, there were chocolates, there was clapping, hugging, and a surprise return of the toys back to their owner (!!), suddenly the dinosaurs and cops were my son’s good friends (!) and my son was all basking in the glory of his wonderful achievement!

So, “No more diapers for us” - I proclaim to the Targets, Costcos and Walmarts of this world! No more of those nasty smelling diaper bags in my house and in my trash. We are tasting the first breath of fresh air in our freedom from diapers.. the air smells good, I can tell you that. We have crossed this seemingly impossible event horizon to come out of this black hole and out into a new world.

And that’s the reason I wanted to celebrate this milestone with a separate post of its own. Way to go Son!!

Like many people from my homeland, I came to the US, seeking opportunities. At least that’s what I kinda’ like to think. If you ask me, I don’t really know why I came here.. back in those days, there wasn’t a great deal going on in the IT world back home - yes back in the last century - the year 1999. For a youngster, waiting desperately to break free, going away from home and the homeland, made perfect sense! I was already living in Dubai, working in the IT arm of a successful airline. I flew all over the world. Dubai is a small place and after 4 years I outgrew it. I wanted to continue my journey outward - away from my homeland. So I consciously looked towards the West.

It was great.. I had a big country to explore, big cars, lots of do, see and experience. Part of being here was to ensure some stability, brought about by the permanent resident card - ubiquitously known as the Green Card! Sure, I wanted to get that.. it was the legal way of staying here for longer than the 6 years that H1B initially offered. So I talked to my employer and started my long journey towards this goal… Memories have already started fading and before I forget, I want to document everything I went through to get this done..

…only thing is, it is not done yet.. Every time I hit a snag (even though every date is current for me at this time), I laugh because I am immune to it now.. after having spent 7+ years trying to get this done. Here is the timeline for the continuing ordeal…

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When you talk about lifetime changes, you tend to think about getting married, having a kid, buying a house, getting divorced.. well, you know what I mean I went for a change in my life recently with the same bit of seriousness, as I would for any of the above, and it makes sense that I call it a “Lifetime change” too… Please read on, it is not a technical discussion.

The change was simply that I finally dumped my Windows machine, for a Mac, after about 16 years! For the non-savvy and non-technical, this may sound trivial. But having spent almost every day of my life, for the last 16 years, in front of different types of computers, I think they too, deserve to claim a piece of my life.

You know, I have ‘dated’ a lot of computers.. a weird one called ZX Spectrum back in 1988 that ‘claimed to be a computer’ with a Cassette tape (!), the oldies - PC XTs, the ATs, Honeywell Unix terminals and many other Unix terminals whose names I have forgotten, the IBM mainframe terminals, PC 286s, 386s, 486s, Pentiums xxx, Dual cores… bla bla bla.

And I have seen the Operating Systems that control their behaviors, mood swings, tantrums - there was Unix System V, MS DOS 4, 5, 6, AT&T Unix, SCO Unix, IBM Mainframe OSs, Windows 3.1, Windows 95, 98, NT, ME, XP Pro, XP Home, 2000 flavors of Linux’s (!), Windows -2000, -2003, Mac OS-X, Mac Leopard..

So many of them, but I managed to stay loyal to one family throughout this 16 yr journey - the Microsoft family! I have dated many from that family, keeping the family loyalty intact for all these years! I have enjoyed the closeness, their popularity, their riches, and at the same time, have suffered at their hands, defended them out in the world, got embarrassed because of them, but still, at the end of the day, I came back to them - in their palace, to their kingdom, back to my in-laws…. And now this.. call it disloyalty or my mid-life crisis, but I finally realized that it needed to end.. I wanted out!

On that fateful day in the last week of February of 2008, I finally embraced a bright, slim MacBook Pro and flew away on my vacation to India. That’s when my love affair with the Mac started after so many stale years living with the Microsoft family. I had a few flings with the Mac family before but it was always too clumsy, since there was no commitment from my side. And I used to always complain as to why someone did not ‘click right’ or ‘close their windows right’… I guess I never looked at their heart, which is made of pure gold - the Unix heart - one that holds steady..

And all those complaints, I realize now, were just because I was so brainwashed by the Microsoft family members! I didn’t have a voice of my own, nor was I allowed to think outside the Window! I was comfortable, because it was all too familiar to me - someone blowing their fuse whenever they want, not having anybody to depend on, always living in fear of losing everything you have.. I thought that’s how it is in a love affair - you know, being ready to sacrifice, giving, forgiving, undemanding.. And I didn’t realize when those love affairs changed into hate affairs.. I continued on as if I was married to the family and there were no divorce courts! It was as if, I had to go from one cousin to another…!

And then this day in February, I said to myself - hey! you are not so old yet.. don’t give up. You will find a soulmate if you are committed to making this change. Linux was too complicated and couldn’t have been someone to go steady with. The only other option I had been eying all these days was the stylish Mac, the one I had complained about in the past like a fool. I poured my heart out in front of her and she was magnanimous in accepting me.

From that day, I began living my new life, accepting things that were minor inconveniences, adapting to the new way of life, new moods, new responses, all the while admiring the beauty of my new girlfriend. And I told myself, nobody is perfect.

I still live my life, there is still programming, surfing, storing, retrieving, shutting down, starting up, but it is just done in a different way.

After all, life is a way of living rather than the living itself! Everybody has one..

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I am experiencing a temporary bachelorhood right now with my wife and kid in India.. My friends invite me to spend my weekends with them. So here is an email I sent to them as a Thank You.. Thought it might be worth a read:
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