Kedar's Log, Stardate 2010

The “Better half” is a funny term.. I have joked about it all the time – is this the half that consumes the better part of you or is this really the better half of your life…? Jokes about husband and wife are most widely enjoyed and just like “there is no smoke without fire”, I say, “there is no joke without some reality”. These two diagonally opposite human forms come together in matrimony and start what they call the married life – an invention of a civilized animal that once roamed around like a monkey. What follows is either a war, a story, a documentary, an adventure, or a theme park ride! So I sat down and thought about what it has been for me as we pack a dozen years under our wedding ring.

I knew enough that I had to get married since I was no Saint, nor a Scientist nor a Revolutionary nor an Artist. I was and continue to be an ordinary man who wants human companionship. Along came Samita, my partner for the past 12 years and counting.. Back then I did not know what kind of a person I was (!) and I knew her for just under a year. It was a take-it-one-day-at-a-time kind of life, getting to know each other, what works, what doesn’t, being cautious with your jokes, being conscious about your appearance.. the usual drill Fun times..

What struck me within a few months of knowing her was that we jelled well.. we were fun loving for sure and we traveled. Here was someone who was interested in life, who enjoyed the good things in it, reacted to the bad things and most importantly was open to change. I never knew that it would be so important to me over time..

Days passed.. then months.. years.. life kept going.. took us places, introduced us to new people, new ways of life, we rode the waves.. up and down.. took life by the horns, and also got mauled by it many times.. and in all this, I began to understand what Samita meant to me and my life…

Samita was and is always frank.. not many of us can handle the truth, face it in the face and hear it without flinching. A lot of us try to avoid confronting it.. I was no different. I liked to keep ignorance in perfect balance with the truth that hurts!! She made me see things where I would look away.. she made me hear things where I would turn a deaf ear. I wouldn’t always agree with her but this way, I got more perspectives, facts, and opinions to examine before I made up my mind about what to do. I always thank her for it – albeit secretly! In a way, if a dialog or life for that matter, is one-sided, then you might as well be a bachelor!

We had fun, oh yeah, lots of it.. we went from being a twosome playing video games till late in the night, to going all over the Swiss Alps without winter jackets, to driving at night through the rainforests of Australia while arguing like crazy at the same time (!), to being a family with a son who is a miniature dinosaur!

In all this, the better half was the caring half. Much as it is hard to admit, it’s true that I might be missing a caring gene here or there in my body Samita showed me how to care, it amazes me to see her get angry at someone sometimes, and still care for that person later.. So at one point I would think this person has no chance of getting any consideration from her, but moments or days later, she would again be concerned about his/her well-being. She was never pretentious about caring and I know she always wished well.. I have seen many people, secretly wishing bad for others, but being outwardly caring to them. After all these years, I can still say she has not done that to anybody. I always know for sure, that she has a “no-first-strike” policy! She will never be the one provoking or hurting or taunting anybody.

Another quality that strikes me is her resolve and an almost die-hard attitude to complete what she has set out to do in life. You name it, studies, health, exercise, learning new skills.. if she starts with it, she completes it. At times she gets frustrated and such, but never gives up. This is a rare quality which people tend to lose overtime after they get married.. I see people giving up on new goals, new challenges once they are married and/or have kids. Given the constraints, she manages to take that extra step, the extra effort, that little inconvenience to herself, the little oddity in a perfectly boring normal life – to go do something new.

Kids are not some excuse you need for being lazy, they are not a reason you give for your failures. Samita has always put our son first – one of the most important qualities I find in her now – that of being a great mother to our son. I have seen, being a go-getter sometimes makes people shun their responsibilities. Samita works differently here.. she is out there for our son the whole time and then pushes herself well into the night when our son is sleeping, to work on the things she has set herself to do. I see people complaining about how they don’t get time to do something. This is an excuse Samita has never given and I am proud of her for that.

People guise their ignorance and laziness to improve, with a know-it-all attitude, which thankfully is not something Samita practices. She would rather admit her lack of knowledge and work on it – a quality I appreciate very much. Confidence and attitude without knowledge is nothing, and I am proud we both share and practice that point of view.

Yes, there are a number of things, when I think about my better half… her culinary skills are well known and have found a great outlet in her self-created website – http://www.mumbai-masala.com – which is a great success story. It was featured in one of the leading Indian newspapers..!

Coming from an Electrical Engineering background, going into a full fledged second bachelors in Computer Science here in the US isn’t so easy – and I have witnessed her achieving that – going through the GRE, having to complete all kinds of courses apart from Computer Science, managing the house at the same time.. but she did it all, for 4 long years and got her BS in Computer Science.. Done deal? No! The goal wasn’t to do Bachelors, but it was to get the Masters. She keeps going, even with a kid to manage full time, without any day care, without an office job where she can have her own time to do things… only late nights and a determination.

I think the days of moms being just caring and motherly are gone.. today, they have to be intelligent and up-to-date in addition to that. I am glad my son has a mom like my better half – who can do the traditional as well as the modern, who can look like a college student and still be a Mommy, who can be vigilant and at the same time teach him computers or play Wii with him, who can be there for him all the time and still strives to be better every day..

And in all this, I have a loving life partner.. I might have sounded a little boastful in this post, but hey, the post is about someone close to me, who I am immensely proud of..!