Diary of a Wimpy Dad..!

 Let me start by telling you a story. This happened a few years ago.. one day, we were all watching TV in our living room with a few family friends. A 2.5 yr old boy was playing on the side. We were watching a Bollywood movie song, which was filmed on a beach. So there were a few girls in that song, playing beach volleyball in their bikinis.. Suddenly this boy shouts, “Daddyyy!! Look, they are wearing diapers.. Why are they wearing diapers like me?!”…

That boy, is my son! The subject of my speech today.. now don’t ask me how I answered that question…! 😉

I started my life as a worry-free human being.. without a care in the world and without having to care for anyone in the world. And then, my life turned upside down! The warning signs were there, it’s just that I happily ignored them! I went from being a free man, to one behind bars, and then to one, who is behind bars and chained to the ground – or, in other words, I went from being a bachelor to a married man to a married man with a kid!

The moment I stared at my son’s soiled diaper in the hospital, I knew that my life had irreversibly changed and I couldn’t do anything about it.

I recently read a Fortune article which talks about how the cost of modern children is higher than their returns.. I, sorta agree!! I sometimes go in my bathroom, shut the door and cry, just thinking about the amount of money I have spent buying my son’s Thomas Train engines, Monster trucks, Hot Wheel Cars, Beyblades and Legos! Either my son is a great result oriented lobbyist or I, am a poor, pathetic and hopeless politician, because he always successfully lobbies to get what he wants from me..

I remember one day when he said, Daddy, not using your money and simply saving it, is a waste.. Stop wasting your money like that! I knew he had his eyes set on the 3DS that time! 😉

Kids can really manipulate you, more than even your wife or girlfriend can! Many times my son pitches me against my wife – like the times when I am left alone with him and I have to cook. He tells me to make something, then he eats it, enjoys it, loves it.. but still refuses to say that it tasted awesome, in front of his Mommy!

Basically, he has started getting the bigger picture! So he has started threatening me from time to time that he will complain about me or something I did to his Mommy! I tell you, kids are such ungrateful creatures! 😉

In spite of that though, every day when I drop him to school, I feel grateful for his generosity.. Because he donates the leftovers from his breakfast to me, when he gets off at school ..!! – “Daddy you eat the rest.. bye” ! I am grateful for that, I get some breakfast too this way!

When I drive him to school in the morning, I have to be ready for all kinds of questions. No question is off limits. There I face my worst fears about confronting the most difficult questions in life! One day he asked me – “Daddy, tell me about when you were a normal person..” I was a little surprised by that question, so I asked him, what do you mean by “normal” person? So this is what he says “Normal person, Daddy, meaning when you were not married to Mommy..”!! (pause)

Now let me ask you something.. Shouldn’t this guy exercise a little more caution when saying such things..? shouldn’t he work on his way of expressing himself a little more accurately.. ? at least for my well being!!?? 😉

Sometimes I think I should start having 1-on-1’s with my son like my manager does.. somewhere on a neutral territory!

No really, do you know how difficult it is to interrogate your son on what he did in school or daycare? It’s as if I am asking him some military secrets from his world…

And I feel sometimes that it’s unfair, that my world is the way it is.. Just think about it, what makes me ineligible to have a tear free soap like my son? You know the soap that does not irritate you even if it goes in your eyes. Or why can’t I have a Pajama day @work? Or how can he get away scot-free, even after telling his Mommy, my wife, that whatever she gave him for lunch was yucky! How can he get away with that kind of a thing??? 😉

Isn’t it unfair, that he is leading me in the ‘Temple Run’ score by 400 thousand+ points?? – so I am at 2000 points and he is at 485 thousand! The point being, his reflexes, which almost act as if they are non-existent, when I tell him to do something, are actually pretty good when he plays that game on the iPad..

I know I can’t complain… because I sorta knew what I was getting into.. Right from my bachelor days, at every step of the way, I found people telling me – “oh this is too easy, just wait until you get to the next stage..” ! So I waited till I got married, then till I got our son, then till he became 2 yrs old, then till he went to Preschool and then till he went to 1st grade.. Now they tell me to wait till he gets to 3rd grade and has more homework….

I tell you, this is endless.. The diary is endless..